Chronological Dejection

It’s just occurred to me that a lot of my plans for the future may be in some jeopardy. See, I have just a couple of goals in life, and they’re really pretty simple aspirations. None of this become a super villain and take over the world, or win the Nobel Prize for physics, or anything like that. No, all I wanted was 1) to live a very, very long life, like a Doctor Who-like lifespan. And 2) time travel back to my past self and give myself some advice. You know, the standard stuff, like buy Apple stock when it’s at $12 a share, and don’t go out with Lynn because she’s batcrap crazy.

So, I’m a bit concerned about Life Goal #2. By my calculation if I were to time travel, I should already have met myself by now. Going back in time and giving my past self advice, is pretty useful at age 15 or 23 (and oh, dear god, I could use someone looking in on me when I was 23), but a lot less constructive once I get past fifty. So since I haven’t met myself yet, then it’s looking like it’s not going to happen, at least on this time line. This means that either I don’t live long enough for time travel to be invented or time travel is impossible. Both conclusions are reason for a little dejection. Plus Ohio State got knocked out of the NCAA Tournament, so now I have to root for Michigan, which feels not-quite-right, or a bit wrong. Which raises another interesting question – is ‘not-quite-right’ and a ‘bit wrong’ functionally equivalent? Sort of like a glass half full is the functional equivalent of a glass half empty and all the rest of it is meaningless navel gazing?

And that’s how I spend a Sunday afternoon, instead of raking up the pine needles on the driveway.

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