Dangerous Machines

Electric chairs, chainsaws, Ford Pintos, and busses in the Andes. This is just a partial list of deadly devices that are fraught with peril. I include Andean busses as they have a disconcerting tendency to plunge into rivers or down steep sided mountains. And Pintos, well that’s pretty self-explanatory. Now however, we have a new entrant in the ever-expanding catalog of machines that will ultimately ensure humankind’s downfall. And I’m afraid this device is the most dangerous yet. A most diabolical contraption, this apparatus makes delicious deep fried mini-donuts at home. Fear for the human race.

I know I have said a few dozen or more times in the past that I had placed a moratorium on new kitchen gadgets. But, I am most sorely tempted by the home donut maker. Imagine, home-made donuts made right in your own kitchen! Which is where home-made products are usually made. I can haz donuts! With sprinkles on them, because let’s face it, almost every food is improved if you put sprinkles on them. It’s like a little magic clown dust. And since clowns are inherently evil, as everyone knows, then sprinkles are just how they spread the ebil around, in a mass market sense. Did I mention the donuts are deep fried?

Now that I think about it, this appliance has to have been created by evil clowns, not that there are any other types of clowns, well maybe Killer Klowns, but they’re pretty evil too. Now you don’t even have to expend the paltry amount of energy required to get into your car and drive down to the nearest Dunkin Donuts. You can just sit at home and dissolve into an oleaginous puddle of goo, as you suck down one tasty fried mini-donut after another. Well, I know what I’ll be doing this weekend.


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