Airline Culinary Adventures

Via Jaunted today, comes a post on the fifteen saddest airline meals. And sad they are indeed. I’m not sure which is my favorite, there’s the Delta Economy meal, which is on a flight from Charles de Gaulle to JFK, so not just a puddle jump, but a trans-Atlantic trip, and it consist of rather sad looking salami(?) and Swiss cheese of dubious origin. But then again, there’s the Cup O’Noodles from Spirit. It’s like they’re not even trying. Actually they should adopt that as their company motto, as I can’t see anything else on their website. Other than the obviously delusional statement that they are “proud to have broken the rules and created arguably the best airline in the Americas.” Arguably?!? Really?

Spirit Airlines, “We Skipped The Psychological Testing To Bring The Savings To You!”

On a recent flight on Alaska, we were confronted with a dish that would have made the Cup O’Noodles appealing. We were served something that was, I am guessing, in some chef’s original conception, artisanal buffalo mozzarella garnished with fresh tomato salsa with a crisp garlic and herb toasted crouton on the side. After it entered the bowels of whatever airline catering service Alaska uses though, what emerged was, unpleasant, to put it mildly. Chewy and yet still flaccid Industrial Grade faux mozzarella, garnished with the most flavorless tomatoes ever to have been grown in a chemical vat, with nary a hint of herbs, salt or pepper, or any seasoning whatsoever, and accompanied with a piece of flavorless roofing tile in place of the crouton. It was so awful that even I, renowned across the seven seas, and six of the seven continents, for my ability to choke down food that others have rejected, condemned or otherwise striven to avoid, even I took one rather tentative bite, and gave it back to the flight attendant with a short and pithy comment. I believe I said something like, “that is a dish that does not meet my exacting standards for culinary fare and I desire that you remove it from my sight, forthwith.” If I didn’t say precisely that, and usually I don’t – I think up all my best comments several hours or days later, then I think the statement that ‘this dish was the most awful piece of airplane food I’ve ever had, and I’ve flown Aeroflot’, will have to suffice.

Oh, by the way, that ‘meal’ was served in first class.  Economy, of course got warm toasty panini’s, but they had to pay for them. Lucky basterds.


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