Heavy Metal Wine

No, this is not a plug for the wine enjoyed by the bands Black Sabbath and Judas Priest (though I have it on good authority it’s Clos de Tart, a small Burgundian vineyard in the Cote de Nuits appellation). Rather, it’s a bemused reference to a new product, or at least new to me, called FLASQ. You know those Budwiesers that are sold in an aluminum bottle, for people who like their beer in bottles, but can’t be bothered with actually buying the bottle? Well, someone had the idea to do the same thing for wine. I haven’t made up my mind whether this represents a step forward from box wines, or backwards.

I am, as I mentioned, perplexed by this concept and have not come down firmly on one side or the other. On the one hand, I am a traditionalist and think glass bottles are the only acceptable way (until now, possibly) to store wine. On the other hand, I think the same thing about beer, but I have been known to crack a frosty can on occasion. Like when it’s free. Or they don’t have it in bottle and holding my breath until I turn blue turns out to be an ineffective strategy to produce a change in this situation. Or it’s almost free. On the other, other hand (if you’re counting, that’s three hands to date), I am an engineer and there’s nothing engineers like to do more than shake things up and implement some cool tech into an otherwise stuffy old business. Well, we like to spend office hours playing on-line games a little bit more, but if there’s some new tech to implement, then we’ll get right on it, sometime after we finish this dungeon run. But, aluminum bottles for wine? Hmm….

To be honest, I’m just not feeling the love for this product. Sure, it’d be great when you want to ice down a bucket full of FLASQ’s (what would the plural of FLASQ be?) of chardonnay for the playoff game with the guys. But other than that, where does it really make sense? It’s not like people chug-a-lug a merlot, and then crush the aluminum bottles on their foreheads. Oh, I suppose if you’re French, you might do that, but the rest of us have a little couth. So, I guess I’m going to have to admit to a bit of Luddite type tendencies here and submit, sadly, that I don’t think this is a particularly great advance in the field of alcoholic beverage delivery technology. But when they get around to bottling a old vine Zinfandel in a titanium-cermet composite flask, then I’ll be first in line to get that.


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