OMGawd

Via, Jaunted, there comes a report on something so revolutionary, so earth shaking that I'm almost at a loss for words. Or I would be I didn't have this handy on-line thesaurus.

It seems a minor league team has developed what could be the most obscene ballpark treat since, well, ever. It's called the Fifth Third Burger (named after the ballpark's sponsor - Fifth Third Bank). It contains one and two thirds of a pound of beef (five thirds, get it?). And that's the healthy part. It also contains chili and believe it or not, Fritos, along with salsa and sour cream. Oh, and some lettuce and tomato, but I'm sure that has to be a mistake, since to my knowledge the latter components are completely devoid of any calories derived from fat..

Supposedly, this dish is intended for consumption by four people missing both taste buds and a healthy fear of arterial cloggage. But you know multiple people, all right, men, will be tempted to eat this all by themselves. And the ballpark isn't even being coy about it since they're offering a T-Shirt to the individual who completes the burger in one sitting.

I wonder how many beers it would take to wash something like this down? Or should we be talking gallons?