Universal Studios

Universal has a total of three resort hotels on property. In order of expensiveness and glitz, they include the Portofino, the Hard Rock Hotel, and the Royal Pacific. All three hotels are themed, and all are at least equivalent to Disney's Deluxe resorts. In fact, I would rank the Portofino pretty easily above any of the Disney resorts. The Royal Pacific is pretty similar in quality and theming to the average Disney Deluxe. The Hard Rock exists pretty much on a plane all of its own -- plane that mortal men are not meant to traverse. Sorry, that sounded better in my head.

Anyway, I like all three hotels. I probably like the Royal Pacific the best because it's a bit more whimsical then the rest. The Portofino is great, don't get me wrong, and it's definitely a four star hotel, which some of Disney's offerings really don't quite achieve. The issue I have with the Portofino is that I sometimes feel that it tries too hard. It's a little too authentic. I would have no problem believing it was uprooted from some Italian waterfront village and plopped down in Orlando, much like the Tower Bridge was dropped into Arizona. From what I understand, the hotel was originally something suggested by Stephen Spielberg, who had visited the original village of Portofino in Italy and liked it so much he suggested it as a theme to Universal when he was working on something for them.

The rooms are spacious and the furnishings definitely a notch or four above those for a Disney Deluxe. Again, standard luxury hotel layouts with a pair of queens or a king bed, desk and an easy chair. The bathrooms are pretty large and nicely laid out so you won't find yourself jabbing a countertop corner into your thigh or something when you turn around. Views vary from pools, to the waterfront that's supposed to look like the Adriatic Sea, to nicely landscaped grounds. I'd say overall these may be the nicest standard rooms available in any of the park hotels in Orlando.

The Hard Rock Hotel is much like its ubiquitous restaurants, a visual and auditory treat for people who love the whole concept of rock and roll. Or something. I'm not getting it myself. Although I love rock and went to the concerts and bought the LP's, cassettes, CD's and MP3's (and eventually I'm sure there will be some crystal substance that you'll ingest and hear the music played directly into your cerebellum, and I'll buy that too) I'm not all that enamored with gazing upon the platform boots Gene Simmons from KISS wore on tour in 1979. Unlike pretty much the entire Boomer, GenX and GenY groups of young men, I was never much taken with the thought of being a rock god. Drugs, booze, and groupies, while wonderful in their own right, seemed a little tawdry when the lead singer from some band you can't actually remember the name of now, was caught on video collapsing into a puddle of vomit in a gutter on the Lower East Side. But that's just me. I like the music, don't care much about the scene.

In other words, I like rock and roll, but I've never cared much about the bands or followed the musicians themselves. So wandering about the hotel gazing upon the memorabilia of their lives isn't really my cup of tea. But a lot of other people do like to revisit memory lane and the Hard Rock is tailor made for them. The overall design is somewhat garish, but really what can you expect - it's rock n' roll, man! The rooms are similar in size to average Disney Deluxe rooms,   and are comfortable, sleek, and modern, with some unusual design touches like star shaped ottomans. And although music is played throughout the hotel, the rooms are quiet and for the most part the music isn't obtrusive. (Which kind of misses the point about rock, I think, but then who wants to listen to Stephen Tyler screaming at 6:00 in the morning?)

The Royal Pacific has a whole story behind it, which I find appealing. Something about a pilot getting lost back in the early days of the last century and founding this hotel in a tropical paradise. There might have been something about a lost love in there too - there usually is. So the theme is Asian/Pacific/Art Deco with a little theme park essence thrown in there.

The rooms at the Royal Pacific are slightly smaller than the Disney Deluxes - around 335 sq. ft. versus 345 sq. ft. in the Wilderness Lodge, for instance. Furnishings are lightly themed to a "tropical" décor and you wouldn't find it out of place at a resort in Hawaii or Tahiti. We thought the rooms were slightly better overall then the renovated rooms in Disney's Polynesian, which is the resort that would be the closest competitor.

All of the hotels share some common features. Besides the usual amenities, each offers a large pool. All of the pools are attractively laid out and much better than the rectangular reservoirs that many off-site hotels boast. The Portofino actually has a total of three pools, one of which is primarily for adults (I guess you can swear and spit and drink beer without fear of disapproving looks from parents - or your own children).

The restaurants range from something like 30 for the Portofino (just kidding, though it doesn't seem like much of an exaggeration), to a somewhat smaller selection at the Hard Rock and Royal Pacific. All the resorts have a high end restaurant and a more moderate restaurant on premises. And CityWalk, with another large group of restaurants, is just a short boat ride away.

All of the hotels have water transportation to the parks and CityWalk. Compared to Disney, where with the exception of the monorail resorts, transportation is a bit more onerous, this is a nice touch. Along with the free transportation to the parks, guests at the hotels receive front of the line passes that allow them to cut to the front, much like Disney's FASTPASS system. Unlike FASTPASS, though, the front of the line pass can be used as often and as frequently as one pleases. This is a major boon to those with cast iron gastrointestinal systems who want to ride The Hulk roller coaster 14 times in a row.

Mary and I talked a lot about the Universal product and how it compared to Disney. Disney's breadth of offerings is, of course, unparalleled. But primarily Disney's product is of the greatest appeal to families with young children and to older folks who aren't interested in eating corn dogs and then going on the loop the loop roller coaster. Just to say you did.

Universal has a product that appeals more strongly to teenagers and young adults. From what we can see, once the average American family's children age into the difficult period between 14 and 34, Universal offers an experience that is probably a bit more desirable overall than listening to Ellen DeGeneres narrate about energy (notwithstanding how great a job she does of describing where oil comes from). The hotels at Universal overall are probably a bit better than equivalent Disney properties.

The Universal parks themselves will only take a few days in order to sample all of the offerings. On the other hand, I could see myself doing The Simpsons Ride, for instance, several times over the course of a couple of days, while I seriously doubt I could summon up the enthusiasm to do The Maelstrom in Epcot more than once or twice a decade. Since many of the rides at Universal are high-tech thrill rides, they have a little more re-rideability, but only, of course, if you like that kind of thing. If you don't like thrill rides, then Universal's offerings will be quite a bit less appealing.